22 Things I’d Tell My 22-Year-Old Self

I turned 32 this week.

What started as a regular birthday suddenly turned into a realisation that it's been nearly a decade since I graduated college, left home, and moved to a new city to start my career and decade of independence.

Since then, I've had many life experiences, tried many things, and learned a treasure chest of lessons.

So, if I could hop into a DeLorean today, travel back to 2015, and discreetly slide a notebook of advice from these 10 years to my 22-year-old self, here are the things it would contain:

1. The worst-case scenario often doesn’t happen. Whenever we're in trouble or a stressful situation, our minds usually project the worst-case scenario as the most likely one. That's far from the truth. The worst case doesn't even happen most of the time. Regardless, if you can make peace with what's the worst that could happen in any situation, it immediately relieves you of the associated anxiety.
2. You’ll never be certain of an outcome until it happens. You can spend days, months and years visualising whether your idea, project or business will be successful, but you’ll never know for sure until you give it a shot.
3. Unrealistic expectations are a recipe for disaster. Promising more and delivering less creates an expectation gap that can cost you your business or career. On the flip side, if you have unrealistic expectations from people, work or even experiences, you're setting yourself up for misery because reality will rarely match your high expectations. Keep your expectations grounded.
4. Build a long attention span. Our attention spans are getting shorter by the day with hyper-engaging content on social media and everywhere else. This hinders our ability to think deeply and stay with a topic long enough to see the hidden gems. If you find yourself constantly distracted, read more longform articles and books and watch longer videos to increase your attention span.
5. Two questions when you don’t feel like doing something: 1) How will I feel after doing this task/activity/habit?, and 2) How will I feel if I don’t?
6. You’ll never own your time working for someone else. A job gets us started when we’re fresh out of college and have no work experience. But don't get too attached to this arrangement because it can limit your freedom. Use that time to build a business on the side so that you don’t have to answer a call from your boss at 9 pm on a Saturday as you get older.
7. Pay attention to what you read and who you follow because they become your thoughts and ultimately define who you are. Influence is a dangerous game, and many of us are often influenced in the wrong direction. Regularly ask yourself whether what you read or who you follow on social media or elsewhere aligns with your values.
8. Don’t fall for vanity metrics. Hastily reading 40 books a year to complete a challenge is not the same as reading 10 books well and actually learning something from them. The same is true for business metrics. 100 people who enjoy and support your work are better than 10,000 who don't care.
9. It’s okay to be wrong once in a while. While there’s a discomfort in being wrong, especially in a group, it can be an opportunity to adjust your assumptions and knowledge and learn something new. Embrace this opportunity.
10. Respect is a two-way street. If you want to be treated with respect, treat others with your utmost respect. Don’t be mean to service staff or take out your undue anger on your family, friends or colleagues.
11. No one likes to be on the losing side. If your proposal or compromise makes the other person seem like a loser or a pushover, it’s likely to be rejected. Instead, arrive at a win-win compromise for both parties and give the other person a chance to save face.
12. Ignorance is bliss. The more information you consume, the more your brain spends time thinking about stuff that might not even matter to you, taking time and mental capacity away from the things that do. It’s okay not to be aware of every event happening around you. The major ones will reach you one way or the other.
13. Things will often go wrong. How you react when that happens determines how you’ll progress in life. Try having a pre-mortem strategy for things you can predict will go wrong.
14. Approach things with a “shoshin” mindset. As we learn new things and become experts in our fields, it gets harder for us to accept challenging perspectives and learn something new because we become too defensive and dismissive, riding on the arrogance of our knowledge. By seeing things with a shoshin or beginner’s mindset, we set aside prejudice and are open to discovering unseen angles in fields we consider ourselves knowledgeable about.
15. Find communities where you fit in. People who make you feel at home and accept you for who you are are the ones you’d want to hang with rather than pretending to be someone else to fit into some elite group. Lose friends who make you feel less or an imposter.
16. Defending yourself from online trolls is usually not worth your time and energy. People often say things online they wouldn't have said face to face because it’s easy to hide behind the anonymity of social media and online communities. By engaging with haters online, you’re giving them the power to control your mind, thoughts and emotions and, therefore, a part of your life.
17. Have rituals to reduce performance anxiety. It’s natural to feel stressed before an interview, test, speech, game or performance where you’ll be judged. Our mind comes up with a thousand reasons why we might fail. Practising a physical ritual, whatever that might be, deep breaths, drinking a can of soda, etc., can curb overthinking by directing your attention from the internal chatter to the act of doing the ritual.
18. Do things that’ll make you regret less as you age. Take that job in a foreign country. Act on your business idea. Ask out the person you like. Go on your dream trip. Do things before it's too late.
19. Be curious rather than being judgmental. When we're quick to judge others, we dismiss them even before we have had a chance to know them. When curious, we ask questions and learn more about the other side. This can often leave us with lifelong connections or give us an edge over our competition in a game or business.
20. You'll never do the things on your bucket list unless you proactively make time for them. There will always be an urgent task, a more pressing issue or some other constraint that'll keep pushing your wishlist items further into the future. Occasionally, prioritise things from your “I'd like to do someday” list over your regular chores.
21. Get used to not relying on material things for fulfilment or pleasure. Retail therapy is a thing, but that therapy's effects are short-lived. Instead of buying more things to feel fulfilled, focus on doing work or activities that bring you joy and make you whole.
22. Evolve to stay relevant. Skills become outdated, and industries become irrelevant with time. The only way to persevere is to be less rigid, embrace change and continuously evolve yourself and your business in newer ways.

I meant to stop at 22, but I pumped the brakes on my thought train a bit too late, so here's an extra one to close this list:

23. Time is a more rewarding wealth than money. You can have all the money in the world but still feel incomplete because you don't have any time for yourself or your family. Sure, money buys time, but you don't need a million dollars to be time-rich; a modest sum that takes care of you and your family will do. Aim for that.

Thanks for your time.

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